Vortex Schmortex

So the "polar vortex" has rolled into town, which meant it was pretty cold this morning:

That's America Freedom Degrees too, not that sell-see-us crap.

Now, before I go on, I realize that to you hardy types in the midwest this isn't even particularly cold:

("I don't even bother with knee warmers when it's that warm.")

But please try to keep in mind that everything's relative, and anyway, it's not a weather contest, okay?

Good.

Anyway, I have nothing to prove at this point in my life, and if I don't like the looks of things outside I have no problem skipping a ride.  However, despite today's deep freeze, I found myself compelled to head out, and so I saddled up the Jones:

By the time I rolled out it had warmed up a bit, but it was still only like 10 degrees.  To be honest I figured I'd just knock around for a little while and come back, but despite the cold I felt not only comfortable but uncharacteristically spunky, and my little ride turned into a surprisingly pleasant 20-mile ramble that included a visit to the forbidding Trails Behind The Mall:

Of course, keeping among the trees and never really breaking 8mph helps a lot, but I also owe a debt of gratitude to my expertly curated crazy person wardrobe, and from head to toe I was attired thusly:

• These shoe covers:

• My usual Sidi mountain bike shoes;
• A pair of non-cycling-specific argyle socks, similar to these:

• Long thermal underwear bottoms;
• Those Outlier Winterweight OG pants they sent me waaay back in 2010 when I was still kind of relevant:

• One of these wool shirts that Grant Petersen sent me;

(It looks like they're out of stock at the moment but do yourself a favor and buy one if they get more because they're like the best winter cycling garment ever.)

• A cashmere Helmut Lang sweater (yeah, you read that right) I've had for at least 20 years;
• A jacket Giro sent me back in like 2013.  It was from their "New Road" collection, which as far as I can tell no longer exists.  The idea was road bike clothes that didn't look like road bike clothes, or something.  Like this:

Foolishly thinking I was still relevant, when it debuted Giro set me up with like a whole bunch of the stuff.  Some of it was kind of stupid (bib knickers with a visible fly that you wear under shorts), and I also seem to recall that all of it was for men, because back in 2013 cycling companies still hadn't figured out that women ride bikes.  There were some very nice items though, one of which was the jacket, which I still wear all the time--which means absolutely nothing since I don't think you can buy it anymore.  The end.

• Threadbare Pearl Izumi lobster gloves I've had forever and which I keep expecting won't last another season, but then they do.  It's like the miracle of Hanukkah, but lobster gloves instead of lamp oil;
• A Cannondale balaclava I've had for probably 20 years and never wore until today.  For whatever reason I don't really have a problem with my face getting cold, probably because I'm usually a little flushed from anger and/or embarrassment, and therefore I never wear baclavas or neck gaiters or any of that face-warming stuff.  Today however it seemed prudent, and maybe that's why I felt so much warmer than usual.  Balaclavas keep you warm, who knew?
• A Castelli fleece hat I've had for probably 20 years and which is probably my favorite cycling garment I've ever owned ever.  I've never seen one anywhere else and I'm sure they don't exist anymore.  When something happens to it I'll be sad;
• NO HELMET.  Like I'm gonna strap a foam hat to all the crap I've already got on my head?  Please.

Did you need to know any of this?  No.  Do you care?  Almost certainly not.  Amy I telling you anyway?  Yes I am, because now that I've come full circle on the FRED cycle I know that once it gets seriously cold you've got to abandon the concept of cycling clothes and non-cycling clothes and just freestyle it by creating a completely insane and profoundly unflattering ensemble like the one I just described.  And yes--the outfit looks as silly as it sounds, plus you've got to imagine it on top of the Jones for the full effect.  But the most absurd thing about it is that if you added up the retail price of every single item I was probably wearing something like $3,500 worth of clothes.

You could get a pretty nice bike for that...but then you wouldn't be able to ride it when it's cold, because you'd be naked.





from Bike Snob NYC http://bit.ly/2UClP9N