Thursday, June 28, 2018

Shoal Me The Money

I've already mentioned this on the Bike Forecast this morning, but so significant is the news that the CBC has covered shoaling that it warrants addressing here too:
Particularly significant is the fact that Canadians have tempered the act of shoaling with their trademark politeness by including the act of simply pulling up next to somebody as shoaling:


"...rather than line up behind Mary, Bob wiggles past in front of the queue, next to Mary."

This runs counter to the spirit in which I coined the phrase.  "Shoaling" specifically refers to the act of stopping in front of somebody.  Moreover, it's called shoaling because then the next person pulls over in front of that person, and then the next person pulls up in front of that person, etcetera ad nauseum and so forth.  The resulting mass of humanity then starts curving in the direction of traffic as it enters the intersection, and the entire mechanism resembles a sandbar, or shoal, hence the word.



Another aspect of shoaling touched upon in the CBC piece (and which I addressed briefly in the Bike Forecast) is the common perception that it is sexist behavior, to wit:

​"I often get shoaled by men. I don't wear the full gear, I look like a regular person on a bike — I guess maybe because I'm a woman," Dollin ventured.

More often than not, Dollin said, she'll easily blow past the offending shoaler without uttering a word. 

I'm sure this is plays a role in plenty of instances of shoaling.  However, overall, I don't think shoaling is gender-specific.  I myself have been shoaled by women countless times.  Alas, I've not kept an accurate count of the total number of times I've been shoaled or the gender of each shoaler, but anecdotally I'd say I've been shoaled just as often (if not more often) by women.  If this is true (which is a big "if," since as I say I have not properly logged this data), and inasmuch as there are fewer female cyclists than male cyclists owing to the lamentable gender gap inherent in our preferred travel mode, then it would logically follow that women shoal with greater frequency than men.  

Of course trying to say one gender shoals more than another is counterproductive; it's a distraction that only breeds infighting and will bring us no closer to solving the problem.  It is vital that we unite regardless of genitalway, preferred pronoun, etc. and acknowledge that every road user is prone to shoaling.  Indeed, in the photo I took just after the one used in the Gothamist piece, you'll see that particular shoal includes both a woman and a person on a skateboard:


To be honest I'd almost prefer skateboarders to shoal me since when they're behind me I worry that they might attempt to skitch.

Skitching is way worse than shoaling.

(Although now half the people on skateboards are using motors this is becoming less of an issue.)

Another common conception regarding shoaling is that it's competitive behavior; i.e. the shoaler arrogantly considers himself or herself athletically superior to the shoalee.  On the surface of it this would appear to be common sense, and I know I've often drawn the same conclusion.  However, upon deeper reflection (as a semi-professional blogger I ponder these issues so you don't have to) I've decided this common conception is indeed mostly a misconception.  Rather, I've come to the conclusion that the shoaler is not thinking competitively precisely because he or she is not thinking at all.  The shoaler is clueless, existing in a state of complete oblivion regarding velocipedal etiquette, and instead is concerned almost entirely with preserving forward momentum and going as far as possible without having to stop.  In fact, it is the shoalee who is the competitive one, and the very fact that the shoaler takes affront and puts the situation in a sporting complex is supporting evidence of this.

Additional evidence that shoaling is not inherently competitive is that, as all competitive cyclists know, you are at a greater competitive advantage when starting from behind as it's the perfect scenario in which to launch an unexpected attack.  Furthermore, shoaling behavior is commonly (indeed near-universally) exhibited by children, to wit:

This is further evidence that shoaling is the product of naïveté rather than cunning or cold calculation.

Alas, if only the CBC had thought to consult me, the world's foremost authority on shoaling, circling, salmoning, and all other forms of cycling behavior, they might have been able to give the great Canadian public far greater insight into this bizarre phenomenon.

I daresay one of Canada's trademark apologies is in order.

Oh wait, I've already gotten one:

Sorry!




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