hello friends!
Ahh I feel like I have so much to say and after weeks maybe even months of feeling creatively blocked that feels so good.
If you are slightly confused and didn’t realize I took a break (that’s a-ok) but maybe check out this post to learn why I needed to unplug for a while: Taking Breaks Before Burnout.
Today I want to share some reflections from going offline and inward, then share where I’m hoping to take In it 4 the Long Run moving forward.
Also, maybe you’ve noticed the shnazzy makeover the site got. I’ll share more about that in “where I’m going” section.
Where I’ve Been
Where we left off, I was back at the brink of burnout. I was feeling uninspired, overworked, and overwhelmed. I felt this guilt for not being able to appreciate this amazing life I’ve created. It all felt like a burden instead of the joyful gift it really is.
I was also feeling like I lived a little too much for the documentation over the actual experience. It’s hard to admit that. I want to live (for lack of a better word) authentically. And while I never would lie or fake something, I just wasn’t feeling present in my daily interactions.
I knew the antidote was going offline and reconnecting to my life outside of my business or my online presence. So strange that that’s a thing we have to be mindful of, but it is what it is. Rather than hide it or feel shame that I got sucked into the Instagram vortex, I just want to be honest without blaming social media.
Reflecting on My Relationship with Social Media
And because I like a specific detail, what I mean by getting “sucked into the Instagram vortex,” is that I would check it out of habit versus intention. I would find myself comparing my life, my worth and my accomplishments to other people’s. Instead of focusing on the joy of connection and providing value, I got caught up in feeling like I needed to grow for growth’s sake, for external validation. I would be having a great day, then I’d watch a couple stories and feel like my day wasn’t so great anymore. In short, I was human and I don’t know many women my age who haven’t shared that same experience.
I’m a big believer that social media is a tool. It’s a tool the same way money is a tool. We project meaning and judgment onto it, but it’s a neutral force. We’re the ones with the labels and judgment. Instagram is an incredible tool. I’ve met some of my favorite people IRL because of Instagram. I love the creativity, connection, and inspiration it provides. But I had to check myself before I wrecked myself, ya know?
Off the [Photo] Grid
So for the last 17 days (by far my longest Instagram break), I’ve been off the [photo] grid. During that time I took about a week off of working entirely.
It’s been lovely.
Chris and I went to Portland Maine for a mini-moon.
I finally put some time effort and money into decorating our cottage and it feels incredible to be in an intentionally decorated space, versus being surrounded by old college furniture we just never got rid of.
We went to the beach a lot.
We played lots of lawn games with my family.
I was bored. Which felt weird. I didn’t have the usual distractions at my disposal which makes me realize that boredom isn’t always bad. Rather than run from it or distract away, I’m getting more comfortable with being able to be still for no other reason than being still. To let feelings bubble up in that space and not distract me away from them. I’m actively working on detaching my worth from my daily productivity but man is it hard.
I also realize I am able to lie to myself a lot about being productive on social media. Because it is a part of what I do for work I can fool myself into thinking I’m working when I’m really just distracting myself. Having this space allows me to get real honest with myself.
Some reflections from being off social media
I feel like I have more space and time.
Obviously, that’s all in my head, but this break has helped me realize how powerful it is to be connected to so many people’s lives in different ways. That mental space is important. I miss seeing and hearing from people I am connected with on Instagram. That feels nice. I want to hold space for them in my mind and heart. I think it’s a lesson that holding space is really important and impactful, so choose who you hold space for intentionally.
Luckily, Instagram has a new feature where you can mute both stories and also someone’s posts in your feed. There a lot of people I love following who I don’t necessarily want to see in my feed every day. I want to keep following them, but I want to actively go to their profile on my own time/terms versus seeing it pop up.
Chris noticed a change
Taking this break didn’t just help mental and emotional health, it was also really positive for our relationship. Chris (my husband) is so supportive of what I do. Being so connected can take away from the time, love and attention I give to him. I think there’s a happy medium somewhere in the middle. We’ve loved the extra time we’ve had together these last two weeks of summer before Chris goes back to teaching. I think this might be an annual thing because it’s been so nice to spend so much time and attention on each other.
Finding Creative Clarity
You know when you read or watch something a lot you start hearing that person’s voice or the character’s voice in your head? You start to think “what would @cuteinstafriend/tv character say about this?” Sometimes I’ll have an idea and I’m not sure if it was inspired by something in my own life or something I watched or saw on my feed. That line and ability to pinpoint where your inspiration is coming from can get blurry over time. This break has helped me feel refreshed and really grounded in my own thoughts.
The Pressure Was All in My Head
With blogging, podcasting and Instagram especially, I have always felt this pressure to keep growing. That what I had created is never good enough. Obviously, I still want to keep evolving and growing. However, I’ve realized just how much that anxious energy came from my own lack of awareness versus any external pressure. Taking this break was a reminder that it’s all good.
I’ve also realized that at the end of the day, if for some reason in the future I don’t want to or can’t make this work as a career, I really am ok walking away from the business side of blogging. I love working for myself and I know that I have an infinite supply of creative ideas for more businesses. And also I’d be happy as a clam to go be a barista at a coffee shop again. Getting that reality check and perspective feels so freeing. I feel like I can come back as my full self because I’m not trying to fit into a mold for hyper-growth or external kudos. I want to serve YOU and me and that’s it.
Where I’m Going
From day one, this blog has been a series of both small and big transitions and evolutions. I’ve accepted that in exchange for the consistent growth and brand recognition which comes from sticking to your one thing, I share a more personal, genuine and ever-changing expression of my life. In the past that’s been running, then vegetarian recipes, then wellness and now… a focus on self-discovery, intuition, and emotional wellness.
There was a time in my life when I was overflowing with excitement about what I ate, how I moved and all my healthy habits. I’m grateful and honor that time in my life because it taught me so much. It guided me here.
I’m ready to keep evolving. My days are no longer defined by the vegetables I eat or ounces of water I drink even though I appreciate and respect those things.
I want to dive deeper, to talk about the wellness of our souls. I want to talk about the power of therapy, about different healing modalities, creativity, connection, things that spark joy in our lives and have powerful ripple effects.
What’s lighting me up is to help you create a magical life, knowing that wellness is one tool in the toolbox. I want to dive into what it means to listen to your intuition in all areas of life, not just for how you eat. Again, I so honor that part of my path because it’s what illuminated this next step forward.
I was so humbled when I read the reader and listener survey as well as the podcast reviews because you shared that my work felt like listening to a friend who’s on this journey with you. That’s exactly how I feel. I want to be your high vibe friend cheering you on as we both become more an more of ourselves.
I’m so excited to keep evolving with you. And with each evolution, I completely honor and respect if my words and path no longer resonate with you.
I’m Not Afraid Anymore
I’m no longer afraid. I don’t want to stay small and I’m not afraid of being too much for people. I know I am too much for some, not enough for others and just right for the people I’m just right for.
I’ve been so afraid of judgment my entire life. From my body to my words, to what I liked and didn’t like. It was all for this quest to be accepted and loved. I can now come from a place of full love and acceptance of myself unconditionally. It’s less scary that someone would leave a rude comment or negative review or speak cruel words behind my back. It’s not that I don’t care about them, but my own unconditional love comes first always.
I’m not playing small with my feelings, thoughts or words anymore. And I don’t have to do it in a “fuck you if you don’t get it” way, I can do it in my own loving kindness way. I can respect everyone’s unique style and path and honor mine.
I’ll also admit I don’t always know where I’m going. In this new phase, I don’t want to be hyper strategic. I don’t want to be producing perfect blog posts that are scheduled three months out. I want to share my truth in hopes that it inspires and connects you to yours.
The New Design
It’s simple, straightforward and leaves more space for evolution. I created a simple logo that felt clean and clear. The new colors are so me. If you look at my clothes, my home, Nantucket, my photos, you’ll see the sage, navy and burnt orange everywhere.
I feel like with each new design, with every year that passes, I become more and more myself. This design feels like wearing my favorite outfit. A visual expression of style.
My main content pillars will be personal growth and wellness. Of course, you’ll also see plenty of coffee-related content too.
While the calendar year begins in January, for me I’ve always felt more connected to September as a time for new chapters of my life.
Thank you for joining me in this next chapter.
The post Where I’ve Been, Where I’m Going appeared first on In it for the Long Run.
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