Reflections and Lessons Learned in 2018 & How I’m Approaching 2019
I feel like with each year, I learn more about how little I really know. With each year I also get more comfortable in the not knowing. 2018 was really beautiful, fun, easy and also dark, and isolating at times. As I reflect on this year, even with bouts of serious depression, it was one of the best, deepest, most joyful years of my life. And as the eternal optimist I am I’m excited for 2019 to be even better.
2018 felt like a year of expansion and exploration. I definitely feel more comfortable with uncertainty than ever before. I keep allowing and surrendering and letting go of the need, and really any desire, to create a whole life plan.
The Biggest Lessons I Learned in 2018
1.) It’s the Simple Things
I feel like I’ll continue to learn this lesson in different flavors throughout my life. It’s amazing how such core simple pleasures and practices make life so juicy.
When I was really struggling with my depression this past fall, some of the things that gave me the most comfort were honest conversations with my close friend, therapy, going for walks outside, running for no other reason than to feel connected to my body, listening to music I loved and having a ritual of making green juice in the morning.
2.) Letting Go of Resistance
Another huge theme this year was letting go of resistance I had around how I thought things “should be.” I feel like I’m in uncharted territory when it comes to life and business (but isn’t everyone?) So much is new to me and I have a tendency to want to figure it all out. I’m letting that desire to go more and more.
I’ve learned so many times that the things we think will make us happy and fulfilled aren’t really what brings us the deep lasting joy we crave. Sorry for the spoiler alert but that kind of magic comes from within. Chasing and hitting goals is a little rush, but then it fades and you’re left feeling at your baseline. So rather than chase more goals endlessly, I want to focus on my daily life and making that feel good so I have a baseline I love coming back to.
Things I’m Proud of in 2018
1.) My Relationship with Myself
I think the thing I’m proudest of is my positive relationship with myself. I can say without a doubt it’s the healthiest most joyful thing I do. I’m so glad I continue to bring awareness to my internal dialog because it literally impacts how I experience the world.
I feel safer, more loved, more at peace knowing I’ve got my own back. Now, this isn’t to say I walk around on a zen cloud all day. I live on planet earth and I’m a sensitive person so I feel a lot of feels. I feel like I now have access to a direct line with my bff (me) all the time. I can self-sooth way easier than ever before.
I modeled the voice in my head off the amazing relationship I have with my sister. Neither of us is perfect but we love each other so unconditionally. That means being honest and having hard conversations sometimes but it’s always with love.
I also do still trip up at times. I can beat myself up over really silly things or just allow my worrying mind to spiral for a long time before I catch it and calm it down. Ultimately so much of my own growth has sprung from this unconditional self-love.
2.) Setting Boundaries & Hard Conversations
I feel like I’m getting a lot better at being honest and direct at the beginning of a relationship or partnership. As I let go of the need to please people or need them to like me I’m able to stand in my own worth. That allows me to say what I need and what I can give clearly. It’s helped me not over promise or grow resentful.
I’ve also really leaned into my fear of confrontation and had some hard conversations. Guess what? I’m still here. In fact, I’m better for it. Funny how the fear is often much more painful than facing it.
3.) Saying What I Mean, Meaning What I Say
Last year, I faced the uncomfortable truth that I was being super flaky. I was not honoring my own word. I would say “yes” halfheartedly to so many requests, knowing that I was either going to fulfill them begrudgingly, or I would flake out. I was tired of being that person. I didn’t want to become someone who you never know what my words meant.
I’m still actively working on this. I’m saying “yes” more mindfully. I’m also working on not flaking on plans that I already said yes to. I don’t want to use the introvert label as an excuse for not enjoying the people in my life I want to spend time and get to know better. It’s so tough for me because it’s an area where so many factors come into play.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that I honor my word. I want to keep speaking truthfully rather than telling people what I think they want to hear only to end up letting them down, and ultimately letting myself down.
I was listening to a podcast with Tim Ferris and Gary Vaynerchuk and Tim said that the first “no” is always the easiest. It really clicked. It’s so much easier to say “no” on the first request instead of keeping the door kind of open and ultimately saying no after leading someone on.
People are way chiller than we give them credit for. We’re all big boys and girls and people can handle the word “no” especially when you’re kind and set respectful boundaries. (I type this primarily as a reminder to myself to continue this practice.)
Fun Things I Loved this Year
- This list is a lighthearted collection of some things, hobbies, and themes that popped out in 2018.
- I discovered a love of hats
- I continued to fall in love with photography on a personal and professional level
- I did a good bit of domestic traveling. I’m the weirdo who loves the airport!
- Meeting online friends in real life. The best!
- I’m slowly learning the magic of taking regular breaks.
- I became really interested in crystals.
- I’ve had a lot of fun discovering and expressing my sense style.
- I continued loving our houseplant family.
- I became OBSESSED with essential oils.
- Coffee, lots of coffee.
Favorite Blog Posts of the Year
What I’m Not Doing to Heal my Acne
20 Simple Ways to Create Joy Every Day
If You Cry Easily, You’re Not “Too Emotional” and You’re Not Alone
Don’t Hate the Dieter, Hate the Diet Culture
How to Set an Intention & Why I Like Intentions More Than Goals
Highlights and Lessons Learned from Having an Intimate and DIY Wedding
Currently… (depression)
Taking Breaks Before Burnouts
7 Practical Tips to Make a Busy Day Less Stressful and More Joyful
Things I Want to Explore & Improve in 2019
Rather than forcing myself to set goals in 2019, I’m observing what areas of my life I feel the most friction with and want more ease in. I’m also looking at places where I got lazy in the sense where I buried my head in the sand a little.
1.) Having Fun with Cooking
I can’t believe I used to be a food blogger. These days I’m proud of myself if I cook ONCE a week. It’s shocking. I want to have fun cooking again. I’m ready to get back into the kitchen after a really healthy break away from over thinking my food.
2.) My Relationship with Stuff
This is a big one. I love living in a (really) small cottage because it forces Chris and me to be mindful about our stuff. It’s starting to pile up a little. I am by no means a minimalist. I also know the level of consumption that feels good and right now I’m tipping the scales into discomfort… (aka I have too much shit I don’t want and I’m not being mindful about where it’s all coming from.)
I want to be mindful about how I let go of what we no longer need. I want to be especially mindful about what new STUFF I bring into our lives in 2019. I will say no to “free” (I put free in quotes because it’s actually not free, especially when it lands in a landfill and creates waste….) stuff just because it’s free. Less and better. I will use my purchasing power to support companies I believe in and do so in a slow and mindful way.
3.) Social Media & Work Boundaries
An area of friction in my life has definitely been around work and social media boundaries. In 2019 I will create more clear lines of when I’m using social media for work and when I use it for pleasure. Both are wonderful and both feel better when (surprise) I do it mindfully. Too often I am working distractedly for hours and hours not getting anything done.
I don’t want a strict structure or timeline for my days because I enjoy the ebbs and flows. I know how much energy I want to have before finishing work. Too often I’m on an empty tank and then I finish my work. As a result, I have zero desire to cook, craft, relax or spend time with my husband; all things that bring me life. So no more draining the tank before the end of the day, whether that means stopping at 3 pm or 8 pm.
4.) Diversity on the Chasing Joy Podcast
This is something I’ve really come up short on these past two years of having a podcast. I will do better. I want to use my privilege to share the microphone with a more diverse group of voices and experiences. I’ve let my “fear of asking the wrong questions” get in the way, which is a prime example of my privilege at it’s laziest. I will do better. I want Chasing Joy to be open, inviting, accessible and inclusive.
My Thoughts Going into a New Year
Mostly 2019 is a big surprise. I have a couple things on my radar (like my sister getting married!!!!!) but mostly it’s open. Open to growth, change, love, learning, fun, lots of fun! If my work can help you in any way I hope it helps you feel more at ease. I hope I can help you feel GOOD about being the amazing soul you already are. I hope your 2019 brings you so much peace, abundance and joy whatever that looks like for you.
I love you. Thank you. Happy Holidays and a very Happy New Years! I’ll see you in 2019.
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