Surly You Jest

There's a lot going on in the world today, but by far the biggest and most important news story on the planet--bigger than Michael Cohen's testimony, bigger than the tension between India and Pakistan, bigger than Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un's bro-down in Vietnam--is that Beto O'Rourke rides a fixie:

Last night @leylasantiago pulled Beto O'Rourke aside in El Paso, where he told her "I'm going to be making an announcement soon," before riding off into the night on his bicycle: pic.twitter.com/Il2X7Dw6bR

— DJ Judd (@DJJudd) February 28, 2019

Wait, sorry, not a fixie--he says at the end of the video that it was a fixie but that he put a freewheel on it.

Of course, should O'Rourke declare his candidacy for the highest office in the land, he wouldn't be the first bikey person to do so.  John Kerry's Fredly bona fides are well documented:

As is George W. Bush's proclivity for mountain biking:

Still, if O'Rourke does in fact run, this could be the closest a Surly with pink grips ever gets to the Oval Office--unless you count the Seamless delivery person who does the "hipster high-lock" on the White House front gate.

Anyway, whatever you think of his politics, this could be a watershed moment in American history, though unfortunately it's already being marred by the countless dunderheads on Twitter exhorting him to wear a helmet:

You're an idiot... and you're an idiot... and you're an idiot... pic.twitter.com/r5U6xNEbds

— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) February 28, 2019

Though I was oddly fascinated by this account:

The whole thing smacks of religious allegory.  If I were an artist, I'd paint a diptych: one panel would depict the moment when a "somewhat deformed man" pointed at Rocky Mountain Views's head, and the other would show Rocky Mountain Views riding into the distant horizon with head be-helmeted for all eternity.  I also like to imagine that the "somewhat deformed man" has appeared to Rocky Mountain Views regularly since then and silently offered other "life hacks"--like how to decalcify the faucet aerator, or how to open a bottle of wine with a broken cork.

In any case, the fact that so many people freak out over the sight of a grown man riding a bicycle shows just how skewed our perception is:

Beto O'Rourke should have gotten himself photographed doing something responsible, like driving a giant SUV or using a firearm.

— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) February 28, 2019

And I look forward to his announcement as to whether or not he'll run, which I can only assume he'll make at a bike polo match.

from Bike Snob NYC https://ift.tt/2TafR3H